Overwhelmed

As the overwhelming joys of the news that we are not looking at an immediately lethal diagnosis have begun to settle, we have begun looking at all that we need to prepare for.

We have begun learning a whole new set of circumstances and challenges.

There is a lot to learn.

I try not to dwell on all that we *may* face, as the unknowns of that are daunting in and of themselves.

But I have to be honest, it is overwhelming to be trying to take this all in. To look at the likelihood of certain scenarios. To think of being able to give this little boy all that he needs. To know that this is a condition rare enough that even a number of drs we may meet may not be familiar with it and it's implications. To be spending every spare minute I have digging for information and research and possibilities....

It is very humbling to be in a position where I just flat out know I won't be able to do it all. That I will need to rely on others for help. That I will need to rely on my Heavenly Father for strength simply to make it through some days. To set aside what I thought all of my plans for the immediate future were....

It is amazing that though the days just fly by, some of them seem to last an eternity as the enormity of all if this closes in on some moments. To be honest, it's scary.

There is so much continually stirring in my mind, it makes me grateful that thus far I have escaped the pregnancy insomnia that usually hits me during these last months. At least I can sleep and just not think about it for a little while. And when sleep comes I hope for the dreams of my little boy's face...where I seem him so vividly, as I hold him safely in my arms....